Terrible Week

Several big things have got me down--one is totally my fault, which makes it all the worse, but the others were beyond my control (though that doesn't help matters any)--and especially now, when it's so close to Christmas and I want to be full of good cheer and all that, it's especially depressing to be depressed.

I feel like Anne Shirley, from Anne of Green Gables, when she dramatically announced, "I'm in the Depths of Despair." Ok, so maybe that is a bit melodramatic and things maybe aren't as bad as all that, but I'm not feeling very jolly. And tonight I have to do something that I am very scared to do for yea verily, I am a big chicken who is terrified of confrontation.

I am full of "if only's" and not much courage for what I must do by my lonesome tonight. If only Steven would hold my hand through this; ok, right, I am a grown-up. I will do it. It's just getting it over with. I don't think that she will ever ever forgive me, and I know that this will never ever be forgotten for the rest of my life, and I realize that this will be thrown into my face every year in a very public way, and . . . I've got to stop. I'm making things worse, if that is possible.

Here's to nothing.