MannaME

Woes By Any Other Name

2007-01-22T17:33:00.000-08:00

I am fully jonesing for a burger right now (though I am trying to convince myself otherwise). Just because my handsome husband has lost more weight than me at this point (what's 9 pounds? I'm not bitter, no.), I shouldn't give up or give into despair and cravings. I am strong. I have lost almost 5 pounds in the past month. I don't need to eat more.

I still really want a burger. Sigh.

So here's to svelteness and not giving into whining about my usual inner topics: my all-around girth (ha ha), our lack of familial funds, our crazy cats, my sweet baby's teething, my workplace/co-workers, etc. I am Super Mummy! I will put on my big girl panties, set a good example and deal!

But why does my meeting tomorrow have to come at 7 bloody 10 in the morning? Oy. No, stay positive--think of the Starbucks that will be waiting for you. Focus. It's all good. To quote one of my favorite new book heroines: "I am calm. I am in control. I am a professional. I can handle this."

Right. I couldn't stop laughing either when she said it. Oh well.

Feetsies

2006-12-18T17:22:00.000-08:00

Don't ask me why Kates loves to sleep like this . . . .

Hope-fullness

2006-12-18T09:27:00.000-08:00

As I am forgiven, life is better. Of course, I keep on waiting for some bomb to drop but so far it hasn't . . . why can't I just let go and move on? Though if I knew the answer to that, I could become the world's best therapist. But we will have the family over this Friday, and I will try to get the house in final holiday shape, and maybe maybe maybe even get some Christmas cookies made. Who knows? (It's going to take some real Christmas magic for that to happen.)

At least I can cadge off my mom-in-law, who has been a baking sensation these past few weeks. She eagerly shoves her latest greatest taste sensation at me, and I feebly protest and say weak things about trying to lose my baby weight and then . . . BAM! I'm scarfing down a rich sweet wonder and wondering if it would really be so bad if I ate two?

Back before Kates, and even afterwards for a short while, I had thought that I would be back in my regular, pre-pregnancy clothes by Christmas time. OH FOOLISH ME! Boy, was I ever wrong; I had read, I had heard, and I had been told that it "takes 10 months to put it on, and it will take 10 months to take it off . . . if ever." That sounded way too pessimistic to me--and besides, right after having Kates I dropped 25 pounds (I had gained over 50 during the pregnancy). I would just keep on losing the weight. Right.

Where is my magic weight-loss fairy-godmother? Oy, there are way too many good foods out there right now. Thank goodness I don't like eggnog or I would be adding that to my guilty caloric pleasures intake list. Maybe come January I can be like any other typical person and promise to lose the weight for real. For now, life is too crazy to add the pressure of good food denial. If I only eat till I am full (ha ha!) and watch my portion sizes there just might be hope come the new year. Maybe.

Not that it matters all that much . . . Kates does a stellar job of keeping everyone's attention on her. My beautiful baby is my best accomplishment for this year. And no, that's totally not bragging.

Terrible Week

2006-12-14T14:36:00.000-08:00

Several big things have got me down--one is totally my fault, which makes it all the worse, but the others were beyond my control (though that doesn't help matters any)--and especially now, when it's so close to Christmas and I want to be full of good cheer and all that, it's especially depressing to be depressed.

I feel like Anne Shirley, from Anne of Green Gables, when she dramatically announced, "I'm in the Depths of Despair." Ok, so maybe that is a bit melodramatic and things maybe aren't as bad as all that, but I'm not feeling very jolly. And tonight I have to do something that I am very scared to do for yea verily, I am a big chicken who is terrified of confrontation.

I am full of "if only's" and not much courage for what I must do by my lonesome tonight. If only Steven would hold my hand through this; ok, right, I am a grown-up. I will do it. It's just getting it over with. I don't think that she will ever ever forgive me, and I know that this will never ever be forgotten for the rest of my life, and I realize that this will be thrown into my face every year in a very public way, and . . . I've got to stop. I'm making things worse, if that is possible.

Here's to nothing.

For the Present

2006-12-11T16:29:00.000-08:00

"'I don't know what you mean,' Alice said.

'Of course you don't!' the Hatter said, tossing his head contemptuously. 'I dare say you never even spoke to Time! . . . now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do almost anything you liked with the clock.'"

~ Alice in Wonderland

At some point in my life, I must have ticked off Time; he doesn't seem to work for me the same way he does for others. Time and I haven't spoken in weeks and maybe even in months--especially now that Kates has come, Time rushes by more strangely than ever! My honey and I were talking yesterday, and we are both amazed that it's been almost five months since Kates was born. It really doesn't seem that long or that short of a Time.

I'm living day to day, trying to squeeze just a little more in, in the Time that I have, and actually trying to stretch the Time I don't. For the present, I have Time (barely) to: throw some laundry in the washer/dryer; fold and (mostly) take care of the previously mentioned laundry; make meals; load/unload the dishwasher; wash bottles; eat; sleep (a little); go grocery shopping; commute to work everyday (about an hour's worth of Time is taken away there!); go to church; and spend precious time with Steven and Kates.

Today I don't have any time, tomorrow isn't good either, and don't even ask me about my Wednesday . . . though, that may have to be the best Time of all. And now it's less than two weeks till Christmas--my letters aren't sent, my house isn't totally decorated, my cookies aren't baked, and my presents are not bought--I am so not ready!

People say "There's no Time like the present!" Sigh, I don't even have Time for the presents. Maybe tomorrow.

Baby Schedule

2006-12-04T09:50:00.000-08:00

I missed my nap today. Ok, I never get a nap, but I still missed it. And I feel all cranky and out of sorts, just like Kates when she misses her naps. Maybe that's what's wrong with all of the cranky people who I've dealt with today--they've just missed their naps and now they are taking their crankiness out on me. Lucky me.

Inside, I am shouting my angst at the unfeeling world; outside, I am gritting my teeth in a smile and counting down the hours till I can go to bed. Would that I could be on my baby's schedule with at least 3 guaranteed naps for a guaranteed good day.

Just Like Magic

2006-12-02T09:27:00.000-08:00

When I went to leave for work this morning, and I peeked in on Katie, she was asleep, sucking her thumb, all curled up in the shape of a comma. This may not seem much to you, but this is the first time I've seen her sleep like that so it was big stuff to me.

We had to take the bumpers off her crib this week--it looks so strange and bare--because she has learned how to be an escape artist and wriggle. Our baby Houdini figured out how to wriggle out of her swaddle and up to the top of the crib. She hasn't figured out crawling . . . yet! The writer in me wants to liken her sleeping to punctuation: she used to sleep like an exclamation mark (all straight up and down!), then she moved on to the backslash (sort of slanty /), and this morning, curled up, like a comma.

Why didn't I have a camera? Why didn't I know where ours was so I could have taken a quick picture? I need a magic word to say that could freeze time for me; I'm losing all these moments so fast. Already she doesn't look like a baby anymore but rather like a little toddler. Why oh why do I have to work today when I would rather just be home with her and my honey? Oh the never-ending guilt of a working mom.

Today, Steven will attempt to finish off the main Christmas decorating and hopefully tonight we will get to putting the ornaments on the tree. (We hadn't realized how Kates has the power to make something take twice as long!) And when I get home, I will attempt to be at least 3 people all at the same time: Mummy, wife, and me. Maybe if I figure that out, having 6 hands will help me accomplish everything (decluttering, decorating, laundry, cleaning, baking, etc.) that didn't get done yesterday.

If only I could pull a maid out of my hat! That would be brilliant. I just want a moment, one tiny moment, to let go of stress and worry and all the busy business of being an adult . . . and find the wonder of the Christmas miracle again. I want one Today, that would be the biggest magic of all.

Home Again, Home Again

2006-11-28T07:09:00.000-08:00

Not only did we schlep tons of baby stuff with us when we went to my parents' house, oh no! I had to take a nasty cold along with me as well. There's nothing quite like being sick and miserable during the holidays--the good news is that I was home with the people I love all around me; the bad news is that I looked bad, felt worse, and worried constantly about Kates or someone else getting sick. Ahhh, yes, illness . . . the gift that keeps on giving and giving.

But now we are home again (my cold is almost gone!), and if I thought the car was full when we went down, it was overflowing when we came back up. Visibility was zero out the back window, the cords were straining on the car-top carrier, and we were wedged in amongst presents, bags, pillows, and all the other detritrus of travel. Kates did remarkably well though (thanks to sleeping most of the way)!

For the rest of this week it's picking up the pieces of regular life again--grocery shopping, figuring out menus, scaling mountain ranges of laundry--and beginning to plan for Christmas. But for the most part, I will turn Christmas over to my honey, who has been nagging me to let him put up the decorations for several months now. (I swear that eggnog flows in his veins and his heart beats to the tune of "Jingle Bells!") I love Christmas, but Steven LOVES Christmas!

Tomorrow he will have Kates for the day, and I've given him free rein to go Christmas crazy. Who knows what I will come home to? But hey, it's the coming home again that matters.

Schlepping

2006-11-16T14:52:00.000-08:00

It's over several rivers, through the woods and down the interstate to Grandma's house we go, but I never realized how much stuff our wee one will make us lug:

a changing table pad, disinfectant wipes, diapers, wet wipes,
and a diaper champ (to deal with the diapers afterwards, you don't want to know!),
a pack-n-play, a bouncy seat/swing,
formula, gas drops, bottles, bottle brush, bottle drying rack

bathtub, towels, washcloths, body wash, shampoo, brush, lotion
toys, blankets, clothes, 2 diaper bags (!), monitors
stroller, car seat, lullaby cds, tummy-time mat, baby bjorn carrier
and probably a few other things that I've forgotten

For once I will not be the person who packs the most! Oh no, that honor will go to my daughter, who though she has not yet reached the advanced age of 6 months, has the power to take over our entire vehicle and necessitate our first car-top carrier.

It would just be easier to take her entire nursery with us; tear it off of the back of the house, put it on a trailer, and haul that sorry sucker everywhere we go for we are pretty darn close to that already.

The next thing you know, we will be moving into . . . minivan land!

Just so we can schlep more stuff.

Ranting Ahead

2006-11-08T13:32:00.000-08:00

Oh the vexation of it all! If I had acted in such a fashion, if my mother would have let me live, I surely would have regretted my actions.

A patron snapped his fingers at me to get me to come over to his computer and reset his time. I couldn't believe it--he snapped his fingers at me like I was his dog or his slave or something!

Must not say something pithy & pointed or slap stupidity out of him, I thought. Would only end up hurting my hand for he is just a vaccuous git who is full of rudeness & little else.

Would it have killed him to drag his sorry self out of his chair and walk the two feet over to my station and ask for more time? I took a moment to calm down and asked him to not snap at me in the future as I found it to be rather rude. I pride myself on how I peacefully reset his computer and let it go. But . . . oh my, it's a good thing that I am not friends with any ninjas.

Whatever happened to people treating you the way they wish to be treated? Mean people suck, and stupid people should be kept on a short leash as they are a danger to themselves and others.

Many thanks to Gallery One for the fabulous copy of James C. Christensen's "Poofy Guy on a Short Leash!"

Thanks, I Think

2006-11-08T06:53:00.000-08:00

When Kates was born neither Steven nor I could figure out whom she looked like. Our standard response when people asked us was, "She just looks like a baby." We had no clue! But of course it doesn't help when we are both tall, both have dark hair that tends to be wavy, both have big noses and even bigger smiles, both wear glasses, and both have hazel eyes. (When we were dating in college, some people thought we were brother and sister. Swell.)

But now, that she's almost 4 months old, people don't really hesitate anymore when saying that Kates looks like me. It's weird--part of me is flattered and part of me is frightened. When people suggested that she looked like Steven I was hurt, but now that they say almost unanimously that she looks like me I tend to think, Oh my poor child. How crazy is that?

But the worst thing is that my mother's curse has come true in mountain-loads full: "May you have a child just like you were!" Run away if your parent ever so dooms you by saying anything similar to that! Kates definitely has my personality/temperament; she is as sunny as a summer day is long in Alaska, but heavens above she can pitch a fit if life isn't treating her in the way she deserves.

(It's not a coincidence that two of her nicknames are "Princess" and "Madam" as in "How may we serve your every need today and care for your every whim, Madam?") Oy. But already it's scary how much I love her even when she is vexing me beyond belief. God has so blessed me with this beautiful strong willful charming girl who my parents, while trying to stifle their fearsome laughter, keep telling me is "just like you were when you were a baby."

I'd like to apologize for my snarky teenage years, but I think it's too late for all those bratty times. Don't worry though, I see it coming right back at me down the road in a horribly familiar form of justice for my parents. I guess having a grandbaby can be the greatest revenge of all.

Over. Done. Finished. Kaput. (for today)

2006-10-31T14:00:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that I made it! I made it! After Kates was born and I came back to work in September, I was really quite unsure that I would be able to do all of this. Blogging? What was that? I was sleep deprived and already feeling over-challenged what with trying to be a new mommy and all; I sure as anything didn't need this Web 2.0 in my life. Plus, I was already trying to play catch-up for being out for over a month--I had far too much to do to start something new.

And yet . . . I'm a sucker for learning something new (throw in a lagniappe of a MP3 player, which I had really wanting to own ever since my honey got himself one) and I was sunk. I had to at least try; besides, I'm really good at finishing things last minute!

Some of the exercises made me so frustrated at my own ignorance (or the ignorance of the website's designers!), and then getting to fool around with image generators or games or something else would get me out of my slump and like the shallow person that I am doing something fun kept me going.

All in all, I am sick of hearing people whine about how they didn't have enough time to finish this. I finished and I started almost 2 months after the rest of y'all began. Stop being so whiny! Especially since you were encouraged to learn and play and experience something new and were promised a most excellent reward when you finished . . . and all in all, PAID to do this! I would fully do something like this again in the future if it were offered to me.

I like this blogging, this sending my thoughts out to the collective unknown; a co-worker asked if I would keep on doing this and yes, I think that I will. But I might take a bit of a rest before making this a new and improved blog that features the star of our family, Kates.

Thanks PLCMC for making me stress & learn and for the whole blogging experience!

I'll Stick with the Real Thing, Thanks

2006-10-31T09:01:00.000-08:00

I've read science fiction stories where books don't exist anymore and all that is left is what is on a computer or what is plugged into people's brains or some holographic projection thingy. Verrry scary. I wouldn't want to imagine a world without the sound of turning pages.

Half the pleasure for me is the physical aspect--the curling up in a good chair, looking at the pictures, feeling the weight of the book in my hands, marking my favorite spots . . . .

I love trees, but I love my books even more!

I like listening to books being read to me, while I'm driving or doing chores or some other activity where it is impossible to safely read. But if ever, God forbid, I should need to know how to do books the computer way in case of some horrible book disaster I decided to try the audiobooks online.

Dreadful! Maybe in the glittering future every title will be available online and readily accessible within a matter of seconds, but not only couldn't I get any Winnie the Pooh (I made do with a sad substitute of The Wind in the Willows) it also took more time than anyone rightfully should have to download it.

Online/ebooks? Thank you, no.

Revelations

2006-10-31T08:43:00.000-08:00

I missed hearing Weird Al on the Bob and Sheri show last week--much bitterness--but now thanks to podcasts I didn't miss anything! Yay Bob!

I Didn't Watch TV All Day Long But . . .

2006-10-31T07:56:00.000-08:00

Thank you YouTube for giving me a chance to trip out again to The Adventures of the Gummi Bears, Today's Special, The Snorks, 3 2 1 Contact, Jem, The Mysterious Cities of Gold, Pinwheel, The Get Along Gang, The ShirtTales, and all those cartoons and shows that totally ROCKED when I was a little kid in the '80s.

I pity my poor daughter who won't know all these great shows and will be stuck with all the junk that is out there now--unless maybe the magic of dvds will come through for me? They've brought back the Muppet Show and Fraggle Rock so maybe just maybe Kates will know what her mummy is talking about when I say that the Thundercats was the only game to play at recess.

Just one more flashback for your nostalgic pleasure brought to you by Sesame Street, YouTube and the Number 6.

Got Game?

2006-10-31T06:27:00.000-08:00

I have to admit that the games on Web 2.0 awards list sucked me in right away . . . then they spit me right back out! (Not only did some of the games not work on some of the computers here, but I also am not very good at games and have to try several times before I can get my character sorted out and running/jumping/kicking in the right directions.)

I tried Blox Forever, Adventure Elf and The Pharoah's Tomb, a really dreadful pyramid game where I die far too often to even encourage me to play anymore . . . and yet I kept on trying for 5 minutes or so. Apart from the being absolutely horrible at playing, my only real grief is that when I finally did beat a level and they offered me the "top secret code" to unlock truly fabulous playing, the screen where I was to get the code always turned out to be an error message. What's up with that? Stupid stupid rat creatures! I think that I need to go and eat some quiche to calm down . . . or maybe I should try my luck just one more time. Maybe I'll be able to get past level one then.

Nice Work if You Can Get it & You Can Get it . . .

2006-10-30T17:47:00.000-08:00

Ooh-la-la! A site that lets you write what you need and save it there. What will they think of next? You mean I don't have to remember my disk? Don't have to figure out if each version of Office is compatible or not? Don't even have to freak out if I happen to use . . . (gasp!) a Mac? How swell is that?!

I will definitely have to tell people about zohowriter! If only, if only, all the other sites we had to look at/use for these assignments had exceeded or even lived up to their promise. . . .

Oh happy happy joy joy! Something really good for a change.

Sssweet Sssibilant Sssplintercatsss!

2006-10-30T14:39:00.000-08:00

I went playing in the wacky world of wiki's sandbox today and discovered how much others love "Lost" and "Dancing With the Stars." (I blame my mom for that show; I would never have watched it if she hadn't sucked me into it!)

Lang Van and the Melting Pot are two of my favorite places to eat--though Melting Pot might be such a strong favorite because of its caché , for I surely cannot afford to eat there as often as I would like. Warning: grossness to follow! Melting Pot is also where my husband took me on one of our first real dates so it will always be super special because of that.

All in all, I like the same music, books, shows, and movies as so many people here at the library. Just when I thought I stood alone, I found that I am surrounded . . . at least until the last of the really great whangdoodles--sweet-tooth, bedroom slippers, antlers and all--came to my rescue! You'll have to put on your scrappy caps to top that for your favorite animal!

Wacky Wiki

2006-10-28T13:44:00.000-07:00

Power to the people! And knowledge is power . . . so therefore, knowledge to the people? Wikis make that possible, but heaven help you if you are less than educated or believe everything you see because there is a lot of nonsense out there.

I guess it's rather like the little girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead--when wikis are good, they're "very very good" but when they are bad, they're horrid.

Very Good Things

2006-10-28T09:14:00.000-07:00

Not much to say right now--I love this picture and just wanted to share some happiness.

Today I get off at 5.

Yesterday we went to Sears and had our first formal family pictures taken; they turned out so GREAT! Kates was an angel baby and amazed the photographer.

I had my hairs cut last night, and yes, I love this hairstyle for yea verily, I look good.

This week, the fam. is going out to eat at Lang Van; hooray for French coffee and Thai food!

In less than a month, I will get to go home and spend almost a week being loved in only a way that my Mummy and Daddy and best sister can love me. And my sister will finally finally finally get to meet Kates.

Now those are some very good things.

thank you Art.com for "Twilight" by Maxfield Parrish

Come Together

2006-10-28T07:03:00.000-07:00

I think that America & libraries are facing a similar situation right now: how do we be everything to everone? America used to be known as a melting pot, where people from various cultures, backgrounds, and people groups came together and were one; libraries used to be known as quiet spaces of learning, where people were safe to come and read.

Welcome today to America, the mixing pot: the good news is that you don't have to give up who you are, in fact, you can move to a neighborhood that looks exactly like the place you just left! You can listen to salsa music, eat Indian, speak whatever language you want (don't worry about learning English), and copycat the latest fads from Japan.

Welcome to our library, where we embrace Library 2.0 and the promise of the future: you can check your email, post in your blog, look at your rss feeds, pick up a dvd or 10 to watch this weekend, see pictures of the latest scandals in People magazine, find some cds to listen to, be entertained during a storytime program, watch some anime . . . and oh yeah, there are those things called books, if you want to read.

Not all change is bad; some changes are good and enliven what could be an otherwise dull existence (I can't imagine what my life would be like if everyone sounded the same, looked the same, ate the same things, and held the same beliefs . . . pretty boring and creepy, right?) But where does change dictated by a person's needs & rights begin & end?

Should everyone at my branch speak Spanish because we serve a large Latino population? Should we allow patrons to check-out materials and keep them out as long as they wish or never even return them? Should we allow anyone no matter who they are, access to the internet--and then allow them to look at anything on the 'net in the name of personal expression & freedom?

Many of the patrons who come to our library, wish that we would stay open 24/7. They also expect us to let them stay on the internet as long as they want--no matter how long or how many other people may be waiting. A large group of our patrons want to eat, sleep, smoke, drink, pirate music/movies, look at porn, do drugs, hook up, and talk on their cell phones at the tops of their voices. (I'll let you pick the worst vice out of that list.)

Many of our users are the ones who could most benefit the most from the promise of 2.0: blue-collar, over-worked, under-educated, too busy to come to programs or even bring their kids in, too ignorant to the importance of what using a libary can mean--they are the people who need to be reached, to be connected, to be taught before the cycle continues. (Of course that would mean having someone to do all that, but we are already short-staffed and I haven't heard anyone, at any of our branches, complain that they are under-worked.)

If you asked our patrons, our users--as Library 2.0 says to do--what facilities our library should have or what services we should offer, I'm guessing that the importance of reading would be down at the bottom of the list. I can see where Library 2.0 would be a great thing in a perfect world or a better community than this one or even maybe just a few years into the future, but right now, it just seems like a rose-colored bubble that would burst in the reality of our library mixing pot.

Unhappily Ever After

2006-10-26T08:54:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time I was very excited about Technorati.

Very humbly put, it took me a bit to grasp what this site was all about (though the true importance of tags in the grand scheme of the universe still eludes me). But once I got past that, I was really excited--Technorati would be the magic apple that would lead to every parenting advice dream come true. I could find blogs written by other new moms! This would be so easy, what with those super-duper tags helping me every step of the way.

I typed in my key word/tags with feverish impatience; I would find out the secrets for getting my recalcitrant baby to sleep through the night! With all the wisdom from others, she would be crawling at four months, talking by six months, and walking on water by a year. I would be a baby whisperer . . . a SUPER mom!

And then reality struck . . . nothing relevant appeared, just endless listings for blogs that used the word "baby" in every way but the way I was searching for. I narrowed my search, entered new words, and still got a big fat list of nothingness. Numbly scrolling down the pages, the entries growing more and more irrelevant with the occasional foul-beyond-belief one slapping out at me, I began to grow angry. What good is this technology? My magic apple had turned out to be techno-rotten.

Not quite as bad as beets . . .

2006-10-12T10:49:00.000-07:00

But certainly not all that! Not del.icio.us at all! Were the designers really proud of themselves when they came up with this one?

Just add this site to a list of highly over-rated things: Paris Hilton, designer purses, celebrity's opinions and 3rd world adoptions, being thin (but perpetually starving), and cynical expressions.

Oy, do I need to get more sleep! I'm turning into a grouch. Maybe if I could float away on a tag cloud and leave all mundane cares far below, life would actually turn out to be del.icio.us.

Roll, Roll, Rollyo, Gently Down Net Stream

2006-10-12T07:16:00.000-07:00

Deep thought for today:

I need Rollyo like a polar bear needs a rowboat!

I Will Survive

2006-10-06T14:50:00.000-07:00

18 is not supposed to be an age when you find out you have breast cancer. 24 isn't either for that matter. In fact, there is no age, no time, no life where a woman should have to find out that her body is holding death as close as a heartbeat.

I'm a survivor. That sounds good to say--"survivor" is such a strong word, but really inside, I'm not a strong person. It's been 11 years since my first breast cancer and 6 years since my second. When my husband asked me how many years he should say when he entered the registration information for Race for the Cure, I had to stop and think and wonder: do I say since the first cancer or the second? Should I add the years together since I'm a double survivor? (I hadn't realized any math would be involved when I asked him to sign us up.)

Tomorrow I will walk and cry and celebrate and remember--the sting of the chemotherapy drugs as they entered my body through the i.v.; the way my father cried when he said "breast cancer" for the first time; the nurse who sang to me "His Eye is On the Sparrow;" the young intern who blushed and left the room when he came in to observe me during one of my countless sessions of radiation; the way my hair wisped over my head when it grew back in again all baby fine; the choking feeling of holding back anger when I found out one of the surgeons had made a mistake--I am overwhelmed and at a loss.

I think of my daughter and wonder at this world; will she be safe? Will she see the wonderful amidst the horror and hurt? I see her face and pray so many impossible things for her.

I will see other women tomorrow--bald women, women surrounded by love and women who look all alone--young old white black latino skinny fat beautiful plain women. Women who are, just like me, racing for their lives and those that they hold dear. Racing so that they can stay in the human race. Racing for a cure. Racing to survive.

Bibliophile

2006-10-05T08:31:00.000-07:00

I'm a book hussy. My favorite activity? (Besides trying to get some sleep now that Kates has come . . . .) Reading! Love, love, love my books. Love to get books; love to give books. Even like to share my books--until they don't come back.

Yes, I'm still bitter about my 2 Harry Potter special edition books and my pre-pub copy of One for the Money that are gone. Losing those left a mark, right here, that has made me more cautious.

To top that off, I have sooo many books that sometimes I can't remember exactly what I do have. My honey has been after me for ages to catalog my collection--the spirit is willing, but the flesh is full of procrastination--but now through Library Thing I will . . . maybe soon, if I could just put down this book.

Identity Crisis

2006-09-30T07:18:00.000-07:00

Christmas Elf, Nipper Twinkle-toes, reporting in for blogging duty today. What? That name isn't good enough? How about my bunny name, Mandy Cheeks McGee--is that any better? Or do you prefer my monkey name, Crazy Orangutang?

Hey, don't be so picky; I've got scads of names to choose from now. Low down scum o' the seven seas pirate names (Red Anne Cash), lofty and graceful elfin names (Lúthien Tîwele), futuristic Jedi names (Decam Hebry of the planet Aviane), and even some names that were to embarrassing to mention . . . take my word for it, you don't want Professor Poopypants to change your name for you!

Yes, thanks to http://generatorblog.blogspot.com/ I can be whoever I want to be. Now, if I could only figure out who that person is.

Wasting (Time) Away

2006-09-27T11:52:00.000-07:00

I looked for interesting/non-depressing news. I looked for library info. I even looked for stuff about librarians (all the while thinking about a grocery list for shopping tonight). And I used those recommended sites like Technorati. Did they help?

NO!

Holy Frustration, Batman!

Maybe I did something wrong. Maybe my search parameters were messed up. Maybe I just am resistant to change. At that point I didn't give a care--I turned to tried & trusted Google to help me. And help me it did--I was able to find my www.newsoftheweird.com and my new favorite library blog www.librarian.net and life is now good.

But as far as getting a grocery list finished, oy! Our cupboards are bare; our wallet is lean, and my practical husband says "no" to my cravings for real mac-n-cheese. Who knows what we'll be eating for the next week? At this time, we might as well be wasting away.

Resistance is futile.

2006-09-26T14:54:00.000-07:00

http://www.bloglines.com/public/manname

All this headache and nonsense over that one small line above! I don't know why I resisted so strongly (it wasn't the principle of the thing), but going about the business of setting up a blogline account for myself and getting into the whole RSS thing just kept on giving me the willies. So I kept on procrastinating and then forcing myself to do just a bit of the exercise and then procrastinating some more and . . . .

Finally! Triumph today! I'm finished. I can move on. Oy.

(Though it does seem kind of crazy to me--I looooove reading and here is an exercise that is all about getting into reading in a whole new way, a new electronic way to lose more time!)

Dark jokes

2006-09-21T14:43:00.000-07:00

Maybe it isn't such a great idea to create a sign when one is hungry and tired . . . or maybe going grocery shopping when one is hungry and tired is the thing that isn't such a great idea? Either way, you are bound to end up with something you never intended from the start.

Avast Ye Hearties!

2006-09-19T14:34:00.000-07:00

"15 Men on a Dead Man's Chest!" Yo ho for National Talk Like a Pirate Day! I'd like to do a special shout-out today to me favorite pirate, Yosemite Sam. You can keep your Blackbeards, your Captain Kidds, your Edward Teaches, your Anne Bonneys . . . just give me that little stumpy, bad-tempered, rabbit-shooting pirate.

Don't feel foolish if you just need to let out a hearty "Arrr!" Wear your eye patch with pride! Flourish your pegleg and shine up your hook! It's a great day to be a pirate. And if you cannot get behind such a fantabulous holiday, then ye deserve to be keel-hauled! or to be marooned! or even to be doing the dead man's dance at execution dock!

So all me mateys out there say, "Yarrr!" Now let's go look for some treasure.

Technobabble

2006-09-18T17:16:00.000-07:00

When it comes to technology, I am just smart enough to get myself lost or in deep trouble--but I mostly can find my way out again. Mostly.

I'm smart enough to troubleshoot small things, set up email accounts, copy & paste, save correctly, find different drives and various other things that seem to baffle many people here at my work.

I get a head rush at my brilliance till I realize that I have no idea how to use the MP3 player I'm hoping to get when I finish all of this blogging stuff. Riiiiight.

But this blogging stuff and all of our assignments are teaching me so many things that I may someday actually become brilliant! My sister is laughing at me over all of this--the idea that I will become a technogenius!--but hey, I am slowly overcoming/understanding all this technobabble that permeates our lives: I now love my cell phone, feel trapped when I can't check my email on a regular basis, and Google with the greatest of ease.

It's all good to me . . . just please don't ask my honey where my technical prowess stands, he might hurt himself laughing.

Tribute to Inigo, Fezzik, and Vizzini

2006-09-18T16:37:00.000-07:00

New Parent Cliche

2006-09-16T12:58:00.000-07:00

. . . it's funny what sleep deprivation can do to a person . . .

I love my daughter, but the other day I called her by the cat's name.

Oy vey.

Making Tracks

2006-09-14T13:42:00.000-07:00

I'm going to be heading Home soon. Have waaaaay too much laundry to catch up on, supper to cook, notes to write, and much to be dealt with--a table covered with the stuff of life, two crazy cats, and brownies that are just demanding to be made tonight so I can scarf them the rest of the weekend.

I'm going to be heading Home soon. There's waaaaay too much to be done and all I want to do is veg. Just wish I could let it slide for one more day . . . or else have a maid! I wish that my home was all sparkling clean and not a major guilt trip in the works here, but hey, it's Home! The place where my story begins. The place where I can find my happily ever after.

I'm going to be heading Home soon. Gonna hand in my ticket, take a seat, and watch the world whirl past till I'm finally Home.

~ Thanks and credit due to: gwhiz web at flickr.com whose most excellent picture I copied here

Addicted to Love

2006-09-13T12:09:00.000-07:00

My husband and I always don't agree on everything (what a shocker! but we do agree that our baby, see the gorgeous girl in the picture up above, is swell, just swell). One thing we disagree about on a semi-frequent basis is that I have too many books. Ditto for shoes and hats. He thinks that I spend too much time and money on my addictions (except maybe chocolate, which is a necessity of course) and that I get addicted too quickly. Maybe he's partially right; I fall in love so easily, and then it's too late--I've got to have more!

It's a good thing that I don't live near Vegas, and that the only gambling I allow myself is the poker game on my cell phone (I'm up by $156,000 right now, but 2 days ago I had almost $50,000 more). See what I mean by addicted?

I like playing games, I like fooling around on the computer, and I easily lose track of time on the best of days. Yikes! Let me mitigate the gloom & doom of this post by saying that my best addiction is my family's love . . . sure can't get enough of that!

Sound too mushy for words? It is.

But today I was a fool. Yep, a fool who lost track of time fooling around with blogging and Flickr and all sorts of other fun computer things, and I lost my chance to go see my baby girl during my lunchtime. She's so very dear to me, and I missed her. I missed my favorite addiction, my baby.

No 12 step program could get me past the terrible withdrawal I'm going through now. Don't worry, I am about to go get my fix of her pretty soon; that's what I'm telling myself here as I try not to cry. I guess I'm just addicted to love.

Don't be a Player Hater

2006-09-12T14:11:00.000-07:00

My 1st posting just needed a picture, so I spent the past half hour online just looking around. Why not try changing the size of the font, or the font's color, or the font itself? So there went a few more minutes (while in the back of my mind I deliberated if this was all just procrastination or something else, something with a deeper, darker meaning? Was I merely playing here at setting up a blog? Dum dum dum--sinister music sounds ominously in the background).

Yep, playing is the easiest of those 7 1/2 habits for me to recognize as me all the way. But now I'm stuck on which one is the hardest, and it's tempting to call it quits, check my email, get a drink of water, anything other than buckling down and figuring out this conundrum. I could just close my eyes and stab wildly at the paper where I wrote all 7 1/2 of them down, but that would be playing again!

Hmmm, so today as we go for what's behind door #3, we'll hope that recess comes soon and that we don't get the booby prize. And what did we win? Aaah, it's those challenging problems! (I think that I would rather have had the lifetime supply of denture cream instead.) But hey, I just heard the recess bell ring! I'll meet you at the jungle gym . . . .